On interviews, rejection, and unemployment.

This time last fall I was student teaching and loving it. Starting January, I did some subbing, and finished up the year doing a longterm sub, which I loved. I ended the year very excited to get my first classroom for the 2017-2018 school year. By the time school ended, I had already had two pre-interview screeners, so I was fully confident I was going to find a job.

But then the interviews seemed to dry up. As of now, I have had 8 interviews/interview screeners plus a short meet and greet.

The last two weeks, I’ve had two interviews and two rejections. On Friday, when I got the email that I didn’t get the 3 or 4 job that I had interviewed for Thursday evening, it hit me pretty hard that I didn’t have a job yet; that school has been in session for almost four weeks now. It’s hard to get rejection after rejection and not wonder, “are these principals seeing something in me that I’m not?” Am I possibly not cut out for this? Would I be able to manage a class of kids? Did I go into the right profession?

It’s not the kids. It’s not them at all. I loved working with them. It’s just the fact that no one has wanted to hire me that has made me really freak out. I really thought I was a strong candidate! But…this has been a really hard hit to my self-esteem.

I keep putting off and putting off applying for paraeducator positions because I have a Master’s degree and I don’t really want to be an assistant. I’ve worked so hard for this and for so long, but it hasn’t paid off yet. But it’s almost to the point that I have to concede and take a (much) lesser paying job or reapply to Hobby Lobby again.

This is hard.